Panthers coach Ivan Cleary has sensationally revealed just how close he came to giving up coaching after a tumultuous start to his second stint at Penrith.
Following a disastrous two-year stint with the Tigers, Cleary returned to Penrith having coached the club between 2012 to 2015 before he was fired.
Penrith had made the finals the previous three years before he arrived at the foot of the mountain a second time, but missed out in 2019 — finishing 10th.
The Panthers had only won two games from their first 10 and the pressure was heaping on Cleary who had hit “rock bottom” and was questioning if he was the right man to lead the club forward.
Speaking with close friend Hayden Knowles on the Get the Edge podcast, Cleary revealed the toll that season took on him.
“That was tough that first year … you were about that far away [not far] from saying, ‘I’m not going to do this anymore’,” Knowles said.
“Yeah, I was,” Cleary replied.
“Because I was with you, and we were riding highs and lows together and there was many times we were sitting at your house... you did unload some stuff that year,” Knowles said.
“You were that close to giving up because of the pressure, because it was affecting the people you love, not so much you, and I watched you go through that.”
Since 2019, the Panthers have gone on to make three grand finals, win two minor premierships and secure back-to-back premierships.
The Panthers and Roosters are the only teams to win two premierships in a row since 2000 and Penrith broke an 18-year drought after winning the competition in 2021.
“Can you imagine if you did quit, somehow you found a way and since then you’ve had three grand finals in a row,” Knowles said.
“Had to go through some tough times and painful decisions to make... and now you have just won two premierships in a row, back-to-back, not many people have coached that.”
“It sounds a little dramatic, but it’s true, I coached the Panthers for four years, lost my job, was out of coaching for a year,” Cleary said.
“That was a good year for me, I really reflected a lot... got a job at the Wests Tigers, really grateful for that opportunity.
“But one thing always gnawed at me was I had to coach against my son, two games I did it, I hated it, my wife hated it, I really didn’t like it.
“Long story short, Panthers offered to get me back, it was like I would love that. Nothing against the Tigers but I had unfinished business here I felt... I started from a rebuild... to be able to coach Nathan was the icing on top.”
But it was not all that it seemed, with Cleary also opening up to Knowles about the guilt he felt as his son struggled in their first year together at the foot of the mountains.
“The messiness of the Tigers exit plus the father and son thing was a big story and if we failed that was going to be an even bigger story,” Cleary said.
“That was exactly what was happening. First 10 games we’d won two, Nathan wasn’t playing well. We played a game [in the] middle of the year against the Warriors. I remember the game finished and thinking, ‘I’m responsible for that. That was awful’.
“I was at the lowest of lows. I honestly felt really guilty because it was affecting Nathan’s form. I was not at my best that year in so many ways. I had a five-year contract. I was halfway through and was definitely thinking, ‘I don’t think I’m the right man for this job’. “Team is playing badly, star halfback is suffering because of our relationship. I was burdening him because of the pressure of this father-son thing. We somehow made it through.”
